It is easy to start believing that your life is limitless when you spend a lot of time reading books that try to convince you of simple fact – YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! Continuing on the same topic as my previous blog post, I have to wonder, even if you believe that you can do anything, really, should you? It’s so easy to get lost in all of the opportunities and see so many great things that you can imagine yourself doing.
But how many lifetimes do you have to do it, really?
So how do we know what things we actually want to do and what are just shiny new objects inflicted on us by FOMO. There is this thing called resistance that Steven Pressfield talks about in his books (more specifically “The War of Art” and “Do The Work”). But even though he is talking about resistance that gets to us when we are trying to create but instead we are procrastinating, I want to talk about how you can use resistance to your benefit. And I believe there are two kinds of resistances.
- One is the resistance we feel when we want to do something but it’s going to be hard so our brain tries to prevent us from hardship and sends us all kind of messages to stop us from pursuing our dreams.
- And the second kind of resistance lies deep in our bellies, that’s a little sick feeling when we have to do something but we don’t want to, not because it’s scary but because it’s stressful to even think about it. Simon Sinek said best with his quote: ““Working hard for something we do not care about is called stress, working hard for something we love is called passion.”
The trouble comes when we confuse them and think that one is the other by pushing through, and hoping that on the other end of this resistance, we will find peace. If we push through the second kind, we never reach the end. It’s always there because it’s the wrong kind of resistance and we are on the wrong kind of path. For me it took 10 years to realise that I was hoping for release where there was none.
It was soul crushing.
What is your resistance?
I am not saying that you will only get to do the things that have no second kind of resistance. On the contrary, there will be plenty even when you are doing the things that get you where you really want to be, but those are mostly temporary little tasks that are part of the deal and you can’t avoid them, like washing dishes. You might dread doing it, but it had to be done, and then you will feel better about yourself. It’s a simple example, and I highly advice to not internalise these kinds of tasks but let them be part of the MUST. They are there to stay and it’s ok as long as they don’t take up 100% of your path. They shouldn’t even take up 50% of it. Trust me, anywhere close signals for attention – you might be doing something you only like for external reasons, but not something that gets you closer to your internal goals.
Just ask – is this task getting me closer to my goal and I can’t outsource it? Then it’s got to be done. Given that you know what your goal is.
Knowing your goals and failing when you are at it.
Trust me, I have looked through all the goal setting books, blogs, courses and I haven’t found the one that would achieve them for me.
Too bad, it would be nice if somebody would actually tell me what to do that works.
Well, I am sorry, time machine has not been invented yet and we have no power of prophesy, so all we can do is hope for the best and be prepared to fail. Getting an F is not so bad in life, it won’t prevent us from getting into the top university. So don’t be scared of it. If getting an F doesn’t mean you got sick, or got into an accident or hurt someone, then it means you are ok and you have learned a thing or two on the way.
I know, everyone says that, but it’s about time to listen. Failing is ok, preparing for failure is even better because then you have something to fall back onto, thinking that you won’t fail will only hurt you, not doing because you don’t want to fail leaves you with one option. Stay where you are and be happy, you are not allowed to complaint about your life because you just let fear rule you. And just to cover all bases, if that’s what you want, staying where you are is great too.
Not falling for you-can-do-it-all wave is strength too
You don’t need another FOMO to get you changing things. If you like it where you are, if you like being just a mum, just a cook, just a dog groomer, just {…insert your daily thing…] I congratulate you! I wish my mind wasn’t so overcooked with all those goals. Be happy in your comfort zone, live your best life and give your all. Being a good mum, just a mum, is the most beautiful thing we can give to this world. Staying simple in your daily life is strength. Ignoring everyone else who is pushing you to do something else is the strongest will power there is. So be proud of choosing your way. Also know that life is long (however much others are trying to prove to us that we have to rush), there might come a time that you will change your mind and once again, it’s ok to want something else, we have time, and yet this life is ours to live in the best way that we can.
One more thing – people on social media who share their best – look at that and be happy for them if they are actually honest about it all, but don’t let it get to you, don’t let it make you change your mind just because someone else is doing something interesting that you can do too. Stick to your goal till the end, if at the end of achieving it you find that this wasn’t what you wanted, think again and find another way. Life is not linear, this is not feudal Europe anymore and we have choices beyond belief.
Choose to believe in yourself – choosing one path, changing direction, it’s all about the trust in your inner compass.