The knowledge that women live on the around 28 days cycle wasn’t news to me. I knew it since I could read sex-ed information. But I was one of those people who believed that we need to plan our lives based on daily or weekly outcomes. Ok, monthly, yearly but then they all come after our daily best.
I believe I am rather good at planning my life and yet I always had trouble sticking to something long term. Reading Kate Northrup’s “Do less” made me understand why it was like that. And I am pretty sure that if I tried to recreate my every attempt at putting my life in order, I would come at realisation that all stages of planning, executing and then failing to keep on going, fall under a certain time in my period.
Let me explain why.
Four phases of our period
I will not attempt to get into detail what Kate’s book is about. Every woman should read it so she can figure it out herself. But if we are talking about planning our lives, for me it would usually go like this – I would get very energetic and very excited and sit down to plan my daily, weekly routines so that I can be my best. Then attempt to do it for a couple of weeks and be rather good at it only to find myself going downhill from where I wanted to be and moving inwards, mulling over all the things I didn’t do and staying in my own head for a bit. Which usually then was followed by a lot of self-doubt and self-criticism at my failures and inability to stay consistent and true to plan. And things would repeat.
Well, I was obviously consistent but not in the way I thought I was. I was consistently cycling through four phases of my period which in a very short and meagre explanation of Kate’s book is something like this:
- Start of the period is when we are most inwards focused (and most intelligent based on Kate’s observations), it’s the time to think about things, rest and take the needed time away from things that we don’t feel like doing – for example meeting other people, going on adventures and overall trying to conquer the world because usually then we are more likely lying in bed with very painful periods or just want some Netflix time.
- After being sorry for ourselves or preferably self-loving phase, follows the period of planning, which is called follicular phase, when our body prepares for the possibility of pregnancy, before ovulation. That’s the best time to plan, prepare and that’s when we start becoming more active again. Best time for new beginnings and new ideas.
- Ovulation (or full moon phase because Kate likes to compare our menstruation cycle to the cycle of the moon) is when we are our most energetic selves. That’s when we should be out there, communicating, showing up, and being seen by the world.
- And then the luteal phase is when we are most focused, and best at finishing projects that we started, putting our head down to do the work. Also getting ready for more inward phase of the month.
And even though it’s an oversimplification of her book I feel like this was the biggest revelation I have ever made when reading a book. Most importantly is the fact that my body knew it all along, but my mind only put her attention to it now.
Why?
The war of masculine vs feminine
Well, the simple fact is that we live in a masculine, power-oriented world, which put simply means that feminine is seen as less important, weak. Sure, we do an important work – bear children and raise the men of tomorrow and yet for centuries our cycle was mystified, its resemblance to the phases of the moon ostracised, our closeness to nature called witchcraft.
And here I was reading a book telling me that there is this force inside me and if I only utilise it properly, I will be able to achieve more by doing less. Suddenly so many things clicked together. Of course! That’s why I was planning, getting ready, starting to do things, and then suddenly getting to a complete halt where all I wanted was to lay in bed waiting for pain to pass. And I always thought this made me a looser, incapable of living a normal masculine way of life by planning, doing, and getting somewhere quickly.
Men live in 24 hour cycles whilst us women live in 28 day cycles. And the best we can do is take one week at the time based on the position of a cycle we are in. Seriously, this meant for me that I wasn’t failing, I was merely taking a break that my body demanded and always won over my mind because that’s what nature intended. But instead for flogging myself for it, I needed to accept it and use it as my superpower. Because now I understand why some weeks are so different from the others. And those are not the hysterics men blame us for. Those are just masculine ways forced on the feminine mind. Feminine mind has a longer lasting cycle, and I am sorry, but I believe it’s way better than 24-hour cycles. That gives us more time to work on projects if only we plan and choose accordingly.
I know I am generalising and not all women are like that. Some do prefer masculine way of life and it’s perfectly ok. But if you couldn’t stick to the masculine way of planning your day, maybe this gives you an explanation why. Read the book, I promise you, it will give you a big AHA moment. At least it did for me.
Reading books that help you get ahead
That’s one of the reasons why I read so many books. I am looking for those that can explain things to me. But there is this thing – most books are written by men, if not then by women who tend to live in the masculine way (because that’s what success looks in the modern world), and that always gave me a hard time to relate. Always thinking – “yes, I understand what you are saying but you obviously have no kids; don’t know what it’s like to be a woman with no support; […insert any other excuse you had to the condescending way self-help books blamed you for all your failures in life…].” This was the first book in the long run where I felt understood.
Sure, there are things in it like in any other book that you must take with the grain of salt. Author is talking from her own place, no one can really get in your shoes. But as long as you find some common ground that explains to you the things that were obvious but hidden under all the ways people in your life talked about success and the way of life, that you couldn’t see the truth or thought that it wasn’t important.
Now I feel that I finally can see it. Even though I mostly knew what phase of my period I was in, I never thought to connect it to my productivity. Sometimes pushing myself beyond my needs and coming out at the other end burned out, unhappy and thinking that I am doing something wrong.
And I was doing something wrong but usually not the thing I was pointing out to myself. Now I can finally see. Yes, I feel like I have opened my eyes to something that was always there. Fighting against your nature can only get you so far.
Stop shaming female periods
Considering periods my weakness was bringing me down for 20 years of my life, when that’s literally the force of creation! If only used properly, it can create not only babies. Knowing that, feeling that within my body suddenly gives a great understanding, we shouldn’t be ashamed of it and hide it because it makes people uncomfortable. I am not saying to parade what phase of your period you are at, what I am saying is – use it to your benefit. Plan it accordingly. Suddenly just the plain fact that you can give explanation to your lower motivation gives you bigger power because cycle means there is the end to current phase of it, to your low mood. Low mood means you are at your smartest phase of period – it means it’s time to think, internalise and prepare for the next phase of planning, to prepare for the phase when you are most extraverted self and can take on more active role.
What would that mean for me?
I guess being at the start of my period means that I can write best. Ovulating means that I should be out there scouting for clients, partners and networking my heart out. Getting to the luteal phase is where I should be doing all my best, putting my head down to design, develop, to give my best work to the world.
Can you realise how powerful that is – knowing what is your superpower of a given week and using it to the fullest? And if you are forced into the different situation, realising that you can be better and if you are not your best, this just wasn’t the right week for it. So it doesn’t make you worse, it just means, it wasn’t the time.
Naming the superpower that was always yours
I advise you – use your periods like your superpower of creation and take back the years of masculine incarceration of women that came before us. Our periods are not shameful – they are our superpower of creation! Something that was feared by men for years and hidden from us, called dirty and so many other things. As if we all didn’t come from the same place and because of the same cycles in a woman’s body!
No, our power of creation is something to celebrate! Taken away on so many occasions by male gods – with an ability to create life like Zeus who births Athena from his head, God creating earth and all its beings in six days, and other cultural relics of mainly men creating life. Because for millennia men couldn’t stand the unfairness of inability to directly give birth (well, lack of scientific explanation of how semen takes part in it was also to blame). Eat it, Freud, with your penis envy.
This is something I think a lot about. Unfairness of us being the weaker sex is an imprint in our bodies which comes with fear of rape, violence, losing a pregnancy, and many other very feminine fears – inherited through years of unfairness towards female sexes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate men, I have a loving husband, I am raising a son, I have two brothers, but my father is an asshole, like so many other men in this world before us, now and, unfortunately, later there will be. I am not saying women aren’t to blame. A lot of the times we try so hard to please our men that we turn against other women when we should stand as one. We make up 50% of the world. That’s a lot of power. And yet we let men rule over us (who on many occasions are ruled by their penises, so surmise yourself what rules us really). Calling us names, telling we can’t do things because we are women, telling us what clothes to wear, how to protect ourselves but not telling other men how to respect us.
Feeling strong about things we can change when we change ourselves
These are the things I feel strongly about. Being someone who always tried to make it in the masculine world but failed because of how high my voice tone is, succeeding more when I lower my tone or when I tend to be more masculine myself – only then gaining more respect. When I am actually still the same person who likes to let my hair down, wear high heels and mini skirt, which suddenly renders me less respected and more of a target. Even though all I changed was my attire.
Can you see how accepting periods as strength rather than induced fear and shame, we take control over something that was taken away by religion, fear, envy? We need more books like “Do less” even though I believe the name doesn’t give it the right credit. It should be something like “Inherited superpower in women”. Because that’s what it is.
We are powerful.
We must stand strong alongside men who understand our power and respect it not out of fear but because of its capabilities. We must use that power to create more, do more, give more to the world. Babies isn’t the only thing that our periods are capable of creating. We can wield this power to create so many amazing projects, art, music, businesses, solutions to problems that masculinity sometimes creates because world isn’t balanced. We have the power to give balance to this world, and it’s up to us to be proud of who we are and what our bodies produce each month. Use it to balance the world and give it what it was lacking for millennia. Accept your periods as your creative superpower and wear them with confidence. Because our mind is part of our body, and our body is capable of creating life out of two tiny cells, imagine how much it can create out of a single idea.
